


if you give a shut-in unrestricted internet access

by DaisyDogOx



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Fluff, Futaba teaches the gang about fanfiction!, Gen, Humor, I don't want to call this a crackfic because it's not quite at that level, Inspired By Tumblr, but it's kind of a crackfic, i don't really know how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-10
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-14 05:14:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28665309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaisyDogOx/pseuds/DaisyDogOx
Summary: “Whatever,” she said, rolling her eyes. "The point is between Akechi suddenly changing his view on us and him maybe showing up at the festival, the fangirls are gonna gonuts.”“What’s this about fangirls?”“All the Akechi/Joker shippers. Well, they don’t know you asJoker, just the leader of the Phantom Thieves, but it’s definitely you."“Shippers?”“All the people who want to see Akechi and Akira together! Y’know, shipping? Relationship? Have none of you ever spent time online?”or, Futaba teaches the rest of the Thieves about fandom
Comments: 3
Kudos: 63





	if you give a shut-in unrestricted internet access

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by mango4567 on Tumblr, and their post found [here](https://mango4567.tumblr.com/post/626536377533808640/sometimes-i-think-about-how-in-p5-the-general)
> 
> Sometimes I think about how, in P5, the general public was obsessed with Akechi vs the Phantom Thieves. And how Akechi described capturing the leader in terms of seduction on national fucking television.
> 
> This all leads to one conclusion: there must be in-universe Akechi/leader of the PT fanfic.
> 
> And I can only assume it’s on Mishima’s fucking fansite.

“What do you think they’re--”

“ _Shh_ \--!”

“That was way louder than I was--!”

“Shut _up_!”

Akira had to stifle a laugh as Ryuji and Ann argued in the loudest whispers he’d ever heard. Makoto shot him a dirty look and he tried to cover it with a cough. “Both of you, quiet,” he hissed.

They glared at each again before dropping their gazes and the attic fell silent, the only sound that of the girl’s pacing as she listened to the person on the other end of the phone.

Finally the call ended and they all looked to Makoto expectantly. “He said he’d consider being the guest for the culture festival,” she said carefully. “But he seemed hesitant.”

“What if he says no?” Haru asked quietly. “If we can’t rely on Niijima-san for information anymore, how will we stay ahead of the police? Especially now that they’re closing in on us.”

“Forget about that,” Futaba scoffed. “What’s gonna happen to the forums if he says _yes_? I mean, it’s already as good as confirmed that the Phantom Thieves are students and at least _some of them_ go to Shujin after that fiasco with the police a few days ago.”

“ _Futaba_ ,” Akira said harshly at the same time Ann cocked her head to one side and asked, “Forums?”

“Y’know, that stupid Phan-site that Nishima kid runs.”

“His name’s _Mishima_ ,” Akira said. “And his site isn’t stupid, it’s a great way for us to find targets in Mementos.”

“Whatever,” she said, rolling her eyes. “I’d have designed it a hell of a lot better. The point is between Akechi suddenly changing his view on us and him maybe showing up at the festival, the fangirls are gonna go _nuts_.”

“I don’t understand every third word that comes out of her mouth,” Ryuji said, sounding almost impressed.

“You can understand that much? Good on you! Maybe you’re not a complete lost cause, Skull.”

“Why you little--!”

Yusuke rested a hand on his shoulder. “You’re not alone, Ryuji, she also seems insistent on targeting me--”

“I don’t need your damn pity!” he snapped, brushing the hand off. “What’s this about fangirls?”

“All the Akechi/Joker shippers. Well, they don’t know you as _Joker_ , just the leader of the Phantom Thieves, but it’s definitely you.”

“ _Shippers_?”

“All the people who want to see Akechi and Akira together! Y’know, shipping? Relationship? Have none of you ever spent time online?”

“I’m familiar with the term,” Ann said hesitantly, “but from the shows I used to watch. Are you saying people ship… Joker and Akechi?”

“That’s what I’ve been saying! And there’s a _ton_ of them, and I can only imagine how they’re gonna react if Detective Boy says yes to the festival and talks about the Phantom Thieves.”

“Would somebody please explain whatever weird language you’ve started speaking in?” Ryuji whined.

Makoto sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose. “I feel like I’m going to regret asking, but I agree. What are you talking about?”

Futaba groaned and nearly slid out of her chair. “You’re all hopeless. Hold on, it’d be easier to show you. Inari, you should really know about this if you’ve been posting your art online!”

“I don’t hang out in the same depraved communities you do!” the boy spluttered.

“Everyone finds their way there eventually,” she muttered, typing frantically. A moment later she found what she was looking for and spun the computer around dramatically. “Voila! What the internet--or at least teenage girls--think of the Phantom Thieves!”

They were all silent as they stared at the mass of black and red in front of them.

“...What the hell am I looking at?”

“Is that supposed to be… us?”

“Okay, I never said it was _good_ , just that there was a lot of it. Nobody knows about the metaverse of course so they resorted to the whole _gentleman thief_ motif and the top hat from the calling card.”

Akira leaned over and scrolled down the page. “I _wish_ I looked that good.”

Haru nudged her way forward and frowned at the screen. “How come most of the drawings seem to give him black hair?”

“Excellent eye, Noir! I had to go digging pretty far back for that ‘cause I was curious about it too, and it turns out that, during your rise to fame after the Kaneshiro heist, our dear little admin was sneakily posting some details online. Things like ‘he’s got curly black hair’ and ‘he wears glasses’. Not all of it stuck, mind you, but some of it certainly did. I’m _pretty sure_ the monocle you get a lot is a mix of the glasses comment and the whole fancy thief look.”

“This is… insane,” Ann said, taking a step back.

“Oh, you wanna see the fancasts? It’s hilarious some of the celebrities they choose!”

“Can we get back to the matter at hand?” Makoto asked, sounding pained. “If Akechi doesn’t agree to the festival--”

“One last thing, I promise,” Futaba interrupted, already typing again. “Although something tells me he’ll agree if he’s so sure the Phantom Thieves are at Shujin.”

“...What?”

“You guys weren’t very sneaky,” she said without looking up. “I mean, you targeted people almost exclusively tied to the school until I came along. Not that there’s anything wrong with that!” she said hurriedly. “You didn’t really have any other options. It was just _super easy_ to trace it all back to Shujin. Oh, I found it!”

“ _To Catch A Detective_ ,” Yusuke read flatly. “What is this?”

“Oh god,” Ann mumbled, “I think I know.”

Futaba’s grin grew even wider. “Fanfiction. To be more specific, Enemies-to-Lovers 150k+ longfic, still being updated biweekly, no powers AU slowburn.”

“I literally didn’t understand a single word of that, and I don’t think I want to,” Ann said, swallowing thickly.

“I really think we should get back to talking about the festival,” Makoto insisted.

“This one’s probably the best I’ve found, but there’s a ton of garbage too.”

“You’ve _read it_?” Ryuji demanded.

“The nights are very long and I get very bored,” she said, as if it were an explanation. “And some of the terrible ones are funny. I mean, ‘lemon’? Who even still uses the citrus scale?” At that even Ann looked confused and she sighed. “The citrus scale was introduced in the early 2000s and was a means of indicating if the fic had smut in it and-- It’s not important,” she said, waving her hands.

Haru looked as though she wanted to speak up but a look from Makoto silenced her.

“I mean, it’s a _little_ weird to know it’s supposed to be you,” Futaba mumbled, giving Akira an uncertain look, “but it’s not like anyone knows anything about you or your personality. They just make you all cocky and self-assured, and you talk all fancy like the cards. So, y’know, it’s not really like I’m reading about Akechi fucking you.”

Akira choked. “ _What_?”

“I know! I would’ve thought you’d top too--”

“ _That’s enough of that conversation_!” Ann said loudly.

“But I didn’t even get to show you guys the self-inserts or the ship discourse!” she whined. “It’s like, a million times better than all those Featherman OCs like _Rainbow Quetzal_.”

“Moving on!” Makoto said, clapping her hands together sharply. “If Akechi _doesn’t_ agree to the festival, we need a backup plan. Although I agree with Futaba’s assessment that it’s likely, we can’t be positive.”

The girl frowned and rested her chin on the table. “You guys would never survive a day online,” she grumbled.

Akira awkwardly patted the girl on the shoulder and tried to focus on what Makoto was saying, but found it increasingly difficult as he realized he’d likely be seeing Akechi in the near future.

_How am I supposed to look him in the eye when I know people have drawn us like that?_ he thought wearily. And what was he supposed to do with the information that Futaba knew about it?

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> i know i haven't posted in like three months and i come back with This of all pieces but listen i'm in the goro big bang and i'm about to drop 40k words on you in about a week okay i promise something cool is coming
> 
> *cough*  
> Futaba's chaotic gremlin internet troll potential should've been utilized in the game more. And I wrote this at 2am. That is all.
> 
> EDIT: now featuring art by the amazing [Chai](https://twitter.com/reigenIuvr)!


End file.
